Cricket Speak: Umpires, Spectators and after-match


For the umpires

“It would have missed two sets of stumps!”

Billy Bowden“What about the no-ball?”

“You can’t give that out; you’ve given nothing all day!”

“Get your ears checked, granddad!”

“Come on, stick your finger up!”



For the uneducated spectators

“Who’s winning?”

“Why’s he wearing a crash helmet?”

“Have you had half-time yet?”

“A draw! How can it be? They’ve been playing for five days!”

“He’s got a 100, why doesn’t he give someone else a go?”

“It’s just a game!”

“He bent his back that over!”

“He cut him in half!”

“That’s what happens when you turn blind!”

“He was beaten outside the off stump!”

“Got him neck and crop!”

“He chanced his arm and it’s come off!”

“That one’s gone straight down his throat!”

“Another coat of varnish and we would have had him!”

“Good nut!”

“They can’t buy a run!”

“He’s going through a bit of a trough!”

“He’s been taken to the cleaners!”

“Catches win matches!”

“He’s hung the washing out! “


After the match

“Either side could have won.”

“Cricket was the winner on the day.”

“Play one ball at a time, and play each ball on its merits.”

“We snatched victory from the jaws of defeat.”

“We snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.”

“It’s back to the drawing board.”

“We need someone to step up to the plate.”

“Man of the match – Duckworth Lewis.!”